The show "Starting Over"

I tend to back away from reality shows, but the show Starting Over has really peaked my interest. Maybe because I can relate. I just wish it didn't come on at such a bad time for me to watch t.v. But today I watched and I'm glad I did.

This week I see my therapist and my homework was to look for areas in my life where I tend to look for someone to save me. Then I was suppose to problem solve on my own. Basically, stop playing a victim and save myself. I was also suppose to let my adult self nurture my child self. I missed nurturing when I was a child. Sometimes I turn into that little child and want to be nurtured. But, I am an adult now and need to handle things as an adult. I can nurture my inner self. Man, this has been hard!!

Today's show with Allison really hit me hard, because I have been playing the "victim" role for so many years of my life. I loved the exercise with victim labeling. Then throwing them into the ocean. That was powerful. I am way too much like Allison. When I look at her and her life, I feel like I'm looking into a mirror.

So, I am going to write down my victim labels so that I will be accountable for them.

1. Terminally ill, dying, dead mother
2. No childhood, had to grow up too fast
3. Overweight
4. Not good enough
5. Not smart enough
6. High expectations
7. Not worthy of something better
8. Not financially smart

I really liked what it all boils down to: "I worry too much about what others think" I question my own importance in the world. I rely to much on the approval of others.

Way too many excuses holding me back from who I really am and who I can become. I need to believe this! I NEED TO!!

Today's show was amazing. Now I need to continue to process all this info.