Daily struggle to save myself

The last two weeks have been overwhelming. Summer break for the kids is officially over tomorrow. I have been on the edge with my own prospects of going back to school and having to get them ready at the same time. Let me just start by saying how much I love my children. They are good kids. They all pretty much enjoy the whole school experience. They work hard. Haven't had a sluffer in the bunch yet. But, summer is a different story. By the end I have had enough of motherhood. I wonder if I should've had this many children. I wonder if I can handle it. Well, it's too late for those kind of questions. My therapist says I am walking up a mountain, then sitting there wondering why I'm where I'm at, and waiting for someone to save me from my misery. He told me it's all about avoidance. I'm avoiding problem solving, because I'm in such a habit of thinking that avoiding my problems is easier than solving them. When I sit back and think rationally, I know that problem solving is much better and makes me a better mother. Problem solving is much more empowering that sitting at the top of that mountain feeling helpless and out of control. Remember the driver scenario. And, the wilderness analogy.

I was upset that I was doing it again, and my therapist said that "he" hasn't even figured it out yet. It is a lifelong process, and I am glad he is there to remind me about it.

Remember again...Life is a work in progress.
I will deal with this in a healthy way. Empowering myself with the tools I have been given will bring much greater joy than acting out "the helpless little girl" act over and over and over. I am not that little girl anymore.

I may be on top of a great mountain, but I will use the same strength to get back down.