Kylie is gone. I can't stand it! I feel betrayed, only because the feelings of my mom's own attempt at suicide when I was 17 hurt so much. Too many memories surfacing that I haven't felt in a long time. One of the biggest things that has kept me from following through with any of my own depressed, suicidal thoughts is the way I felt as the child/loved one hurt by the mere attempt by my own mother. I hated her for doing that to us. We loved her so much and she still tried to leave us. I don't want to do that to my own family. But what if things get so bad that I can't think of anything else? I know Kylie loved her family!! I learned over time and with some maturity that my own mother loved us!! But, it still hurts so much that someone can get into a situation where suicide is the only answer. I don't ever want to arrive at that point! I can't even believe I've ever thought about wanting to come to that point. Depression stinks! I hate it! I want to fight it, but I get so tired some days and it becomes so easy to want to give up. It scares me to even think about it! I am praying so hard that this medicine will help me. I want to be me again! Here I went through all this counseling and thought I was going to be okay, and now this hormonal crap!
There's a lesson in this, I know, but I still hate what it's doing to me!
I love you Kylie and pray you have found peace!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Life is HARD!
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6 comments:
Leah, you aren't alone... there are so many who love you and want to help if we can. Lean on us when you need to.
Kate
I am sorry this is drudging up old feelings.
Why does life have to be so hard?
I hope you start feeling better soon. I worry about you.
I love you Leah! (((SQUISH)))
How especially difficult this must be for you, especially having already gone through it. I hope you are able to harness those feelings and even help her babies get through this. Hang in there, it's a hard thing to feel...
{{{{{hugs}}}}} I just want you to know I LOVE YOU! I have been through this myself and with my dad as I have told you and it is hard and I am sorry. I wish you did not have to suffer through yours, I pray that things work for you soon and for peace, love ya my friend!
You had better darn will keep fighting!!! Cause I haven't even met you in person yet! {{hugs}}
Leah, you are in my thoughts. Keep trying.. we are all heart broken here. As Kylie's sister I ask that you go to your dr and tell about the feelings you are having. Please my friend... your family needs you. (((HUGS)))
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