Chronic conditions: What do they teach us?

I have been struggling this month. I'm struggling to accept that my chronic pms for the last 10 yrs. has gotten worse and now I am fighting pmdd...Prementrual Disphoric Disorder. Every month it is there staring me in the face, giving my life more challenge than I can sometimes handle. Or maybe I should say accept. It has gotten to the point where it is affecting my life and pulling me down. I hate it. My doctor has upped my meds through a 2 week period every month, and that has helped. Plus exercise. Now that's a problem. I know it can help me feel better, but on days that I feel like crap, that is the first thing to go. I'm learning that it has nothing to do with motivation. I feel crummy. Who goes and exercises when they feel crummy. It's hard enough with mybusy life to fit in exercise and I'm pretty good about getting in at least 3 days a week, but when my pmdd hits, I wake up tired, fatigued, discouraged. 3 of the biggest ways to kill motivation. Then you have to add insomnia, headaches, etc. etc. The list goes on unfortunately. For me I have about 80% of pmdd symptoms. To learn more: http://www.healthsystem.virginia.edu/uvahealth/adult_women/pmdd.cfm

So, what do I need to learn?
*Patience, to accept what I'm dealt and make the best of it.
*To take care of "me" Not to forget that I'm not only a mother, wife, and friend, but I'm Leah and I need to be good to myself during this struggle.
*To adjust, be flexible...life, schedule, and patience during this period every month.
*That it IS okay! I am an okay person. I am working hard to be strong through this. I am working hard to make this a part of everyday life and accept it. A lot of people have it way worse than me. I have a supportive family! My dh helps enormously. His compassion to my struggles is the best blessing I could ask for through all of this.
*I CAN DO THIS! Remember always, that Heavenly Father will not give us more than we can handle. That does not mean he will not stretch us, or teach us that we are stronger than we think.
*There is HOPE! Hope that God will help me! I love him and trust in his great concern for our welfare.

Music theory has many life parallels

That last few weeks we have been doing a lot of assignments in music theory where we are given the soprano line and then we have to write 4 measures of 4 part harmony, with all the rules from the common practice period. I still am not quite sure of my knowledge of what the common practice period is, but I do know there are rules to follow. You can't write a piece of harmony with only a good ear. You need direction. Guidelines. Rules that make the harmony stronger.

Just like life. We are sent here as an infant, and we grow in steps. Learning from those who have already gone through the experience. Who have practiced daily the guidelines of life. Who seek for direction from an all seeing God. All of this to make our lives richer, stronger, and in harmony with all that surrounds us.

My teacher keeps reminding us that all this learning will pay off. He can harmonize a line in about 4 minutes. The last three assignments have taken me about 3 hours each. For four measures! I'm am in the infant stages of learning. He has been doing this for at least 30 yrs.

Just like life. You don't feed an infant a steak. A baby isn't born walking. Roll over, scoot, crawl, walk. This is what I am learning in writing music. If I want it bad enough I will be patient with the roll over, scoot, crawl, and walk system. It will come. Just like all things in life that come through perseverance and dedication.

As our assignments are handed back to us, our teacher has used his "magic red pen," as he calls it, to mark our mistakes. As we do more assignments, the idea is to have less red each time. He grades us on participation, and improvement, not how many red marks we get each time.

Just like life. Heavenly Father sent us down here knowing we would make mistakes. But he also knew we would make better choices if we would follow his teachings. Our mistakes would become less and less as we progress. He knew this. My teacher knows this.

The more we practice these rules, or guidelines, the stronger and richer we will be

Next time you hear a good hymn, listen to how the harmonies blend together. Then, think about how beautiful your life can be when you strive for harmony with all God has intended for you.

Creatures of habit

I am definitely a creature of habit. I follow the same routine every morning: wake up, do the potty thing, put on the deoderant, brush my teeth, and take my medicine with two glasses of water. Then I wake up the kids and procede to the other bathroom to put on makeup and do my hair. When a shower is needed, I do that after the potty thing, and go right back to the same routine. Most mornings I don't have to even think about it unless I get up late. Then all heck breaks loose, and my mind seems to forget there is even such a thing as habit or routine. But, that is a whole other story.

Back to the point: Yesterday at church, and we have a routine for that one too, we walk in the normal 20 min. early to get our usual bench. The one we've had for almost 10 years. The bench that should have our family name ingraved on it. The one with ancient crumbs left over from when our 5 yo was going through the snack stage. Our bench. I know, not technically ours, but I'm parital to it. Partial to the habit of having my nice comfortable bench. Maybe I'm a bit OCD, but I like my bench! Again, to the point: My kids walked in to put their books on the bench to save it, because I was in the Library and my dh was doing Ward Clerk stuff. They left to go potty and get drinks, and when they came back someone was sitting on our bench. The one we saved. The one we always sit on. Now is the part that could be considered humorous...they come running out to me and say, "Mom, someone is sitting in our spot!" It just hit me that I'm not the only one that is partial to our bench! I felt the only thing that I could feel at that point: "Someone is sitting on our bench!" I was in shock. Even more humorous was the fact that other ward members made comments about us not getting our bench as we walked back to the overflow section to sit. Feeling dejected, as well as worrying about whose spot we were taking, another ward member comes up and says, "They left your spot, you can go sit there now." What? We can go sit on our bench? Really? What just happened? I don't know. Maybe the gal saw her friends and decided to go sit by them, but the warm feeling of going back to my comfortable spot was just enough to bring a smile to my face.

Silly? Yes. But think about it next time someone makes you change spots. We are all creatures of habit in some way.

Ahhh! It's Friday!

My first set of midterms is over. Two more next week. But, I am unbelieveably relieved. I got an "A" on my sight-singing test, and I will find out about my written on Tuesday.

It's date night, and I look forward to it every week. I don't even care what hubby and I do on our dates anymore, it's just much needed time with him...alone. I love it! It has been fundamental in our relationship. We have done it for so long now, that it wouldn't seem right to skip it. I see too many couples in my life that don't put each other and their marriage as a top priority. And they still wonder what's wrong with their marriage. My dh and I have always tried to put God and family first, and it has paid off. Marriage and family life is hard, full of challenges, and we need all the help we can get, so why not include God in that relationship? Our beliefs have been fundamental in keeping this family going. In keeping us good, hard working, honest individuals.

I am blessed. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I am learning to live to my full potential because of this "good news".

Remember, work hard and you will be blessed. Being married 20 yrs. and still counting is plenty of positive proof of that.

Midterms

My first midterm in 20 yrs. My first real test. Not a quiz. A test. For some reason, I do not put quiz and test in the same category. A quiz will make me nervous for 2 seconds, because it is announced and given. No thought in the matter. You comply. A test, on the other hand is something that is coming, and you know about it. You have time to study, worry, fret, shake, throw up, or like me, just become nauseous. You have time to think about whether you have studied enough, listened intently enough, and retained enough.

I believe in a God who blesses us when we do OUR part. I have strived to live this principle my whole life. I believe that through my hard work, success will be my reward.

As far as success goes, what is it, and how do you define it?

When I was in school as a teenager, and then in college before I got married, my success was defined as the grade I got. It showed how well I studied and retained. The grade determined my success. As a perfectionist, an "A" was success, and anything else was failure. I don't know where this thinking came into play, but I was not as happy as I could've been in my life back then.

My wonderful counselor has shown me a new way of thinking. A happier way. A better way. He asked me the question, "When you came to see me, did you know what grades I had gotten to obtain my degree?" I said, "No." Then he replied, "If you knew I had gotten a couple of "C's" in my classes, would it have made a difference whether you would've kept seeing me or not?" Of course my answer was another "No".

So with that came a new attitude about school. "Go, and have fun learning." he said. "Do your best, and you will be blessed." Heavenly Father does not let hard work go unrewarded. So if I live by this standard, then I can do anything but fail.

As my wise counselor said, "Even 90% is still an "A".

It doesn't have to be 100% or nothing. We are not meant to be perfect in this life. Only to strive for it.