Thought

A formula for a successful life:

Wake up
Show up
Follow up

I like it!

Who, with success in their lives, hasn't followed this mantra? No one I know!

Enough said.

Fear...

I started a new class today. Conducting. I'm excited and terrified. Standing up in front of a group of people who are looking to you to direct them can be quite intimidating. At least I think so. This is my first real experience. Now, I have directed music for Young Women's, and primary, and Relief Society. But never in Sacrament meeting. Never a choir. I can't even comprehend it. But it's coming. This class will push me into it. My teacher is the conductor in our ward. He is very good at what he does. Why I write this, is because he said something very profound today...

Fear is good, because it means you are in a growth experience. Let the fear push you to learn and grow.

My first reaction is, 99% of the time, when I'm faced with fear, I want to run. Run fast, run far, run away. This statement has made me rethink that strategy.

Example: I knew I needed to go back to school. I had received inspiration, and support from my family. If I would've given in to my fear, I wouldn't be back right now. I'd be sitting home in the wish mode. Wishing is thinking, but not doing. I want to be a doer, not a wisher.

So, fear will drive me to be uncomfortable, standing up in front of people I don't know (yet) in my class, to be judged and analyzed as I learn a new aspect of music. I will let my fear drive me to success.

Oh, I'm scared!

New Picture

And I took it by myself.

Me.
Almost 42.
Loving school.
Lots to do!

Goals for 2007

*Read the Book of Mormon
*Exercise 3-4 times a week
*Teach my children more about the gospel
*Deal with change better
*Maintain a better self-esteem
*Go to the temple once a month
*Laugh
*Love
*Live

Happy New Year!

What I learned in 2006

*Life is definitely like a rollercoaster.
*Although the rollercoaster can be scary, it can be fun.
*Life is what YOU make of it.
*My family loves me despite all of my faults.
*I have a brain that works.
*My eyes have been opened to chronic pain, and what it can teach me.
*Our life here on earth is all about learning, enduring, and overcoming.
*Life is fragile.
*A life lived with faith and hope is a happier one.
*A life lived with the gospel of Jesus Christ is a better one.
*God helps people through people.
*Love in a marriage is much deeper after 20 yrs. If people would just give it a chance.
*To have love in a marriage is a blessing.
*What I am learning from being a mother to 7 I cannot learn any other way.
*Friends can lift you up in times of sorrow.
*Paying tithing really can bring about miracles.
*People will try to hurt you, but you can choose how to react.
*Heavenly Father abandons no one.
*Love is eternal.
*I can do this!

It's time to be done

These were some of the last words from my therapist yesterday. These are difficult words to hear. I knew counseling was coming to a close. I felt it. I knew I was feeling better. But, it is still difficult to hear. So, now I am on an "If" and "When" basis. If I need it, or when I need it. I'm sure I'll need a tune-up every now and then. It can be easy to forget. This was my second stint with him. He has certainly blessed my life with so much knowledge of something better.

My pmdd this month was bearable, mostly because I knew and accepted the signs and did not play a victim to them. I am currently waiting to see a gynecologist that may be able to help me a bit more than my family doctor. I need something more, whether it be a med change or hormone therapy. I just know that there must be a doctor out there with more knowledge and more help. I feel it.

Finals done and Christmas is almost here

I have been so busy with school, YW's, and family that I have hardly been on the computer. Now that Christmas is coming, I have been shopping, and tackling hordes of people and traffic. That's what you get when you procrastinate.

Things are going well, finals went great, but included plenty of stress. I'm still waiting on grades. New term starts January 4th. I like this school thing!

PMDD is still a daily mental and physical challenge and I am seeing a Gynecologist after the holidays. Thinking about looking into other meds that might work better for me.

Happy Holidays!

Now that I have said it out loud...

I am getting to where I can get over the victimization and the anger of it.

"Premenstrual Disphoric Disorder.".

I told a friend last night. One down, many more to go. I need to get this out and talk about it. I need to know that I can deal with this. I need to admit that I have a trial and that it will improve my life if I will let it teach me.

My therapist said the other day...

"Trials/struggles, are the schoolmasters of our lives. They are meant to teach us."

He also said that Heavenly Father didn't just say one day, "Oh, I think I'll give Leah Premenstual Disphoric Disorder." No, this is part of the plan. We are given weakness to make us strong. To remind us to turn to God. To make us humble. To keep us from being too prideful. Heavenly Father knows what he's doing. And, he is teaching me to know what I'm doing. Or, to know what I should be doing!

I need to take my own advice that I once shared with a friend after she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. "This is not a death sentence." She is alive and well today. I am alive and well today.

I can do this!

Biggest thing to work on...Turn to HIM! Trust in HIM! Trust in HIS plan!